Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
vagina is talking i cant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
