no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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