she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize