You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
