Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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