i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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