i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
3pm strippers are depressing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
