Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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