Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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