Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
