I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
