I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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