The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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