I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
