all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
