And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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