I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
