I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
