I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
