shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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