remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
