Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
