life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
