We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
