i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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