Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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