i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
