I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So many bounce houses so little time
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
