Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
