Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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