I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize