I hate all girls vehemently.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
