I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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