I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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