Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
