WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
