please come you make the beer taste better
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
