So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
