hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize