Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
