I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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