another moral hangover. fuck.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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