Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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