i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful