I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.