did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
