I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?