the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.