Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.