so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
