What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
