I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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