I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
