Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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