All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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