Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
