I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
