dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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