So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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