tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
