Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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