they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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