I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
