drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
