Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
