I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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