My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I intend to get homeless drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
