I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
