in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
