dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
