i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
