so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
