I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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