By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
