He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
