Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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