I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
