dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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