well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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